Published April 7, 2005
friday's cool
coz there's no more school
you get 2 stay up late and watch t.v.
no homework 4 math or p.e.
you get 2 hang with friends
and have a laugh
but at the end
and you go 2 bed
saturday's great
so have fun then
i hope u do
coz i will too!
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People typically text the way you wrote your poem, so I see this as something meant for young people. We all can relate to loving the weekends and having a great time.
The use of no punctuation (other than "t.v." and "p.e." and apostrophes) until the very end makes the poem seem continuous until the end comes--just like the weekend seems to young people. We think we have all the time in the world until we realize we don't. That thought makes your poem humorous.
I like it; it's unique, it's relatable. Great Job
I just went ahead and posted the poem down here so that I could go through it a bit easier.
Obviously the first thing jumping out to me as a reader is the reliance on chatspeak, which I see used in poems a bit for humor. But this feels more like it's being purposeful and almost has a serious slant to it, something that I'm guessing you weren't going for originally. That's probably an issue all things considered with whatever message you're trying to send.
The message sounds innocent and naive and pure to be honest, which is definitely making me doubt the narrator. It was probably meant to sound childish, which automatically comes along with the main feature of chatspeak. I don't like it because it feels pretty cheap to me and you don't have much going on overall. It's humor but it's also like the bottom level of simplicity.
The structure is also pretty simple and the lack of creativity in the presentation is also playing into my dislike for this poem. I think you need to have some stanzas, if you just want to have a hint of this poem being okay or something along those lines. I'm just not sure how to explain my thoughts on the poem because I'm like 99% sure at this point it's supposed to be a troll poem.
There's not all of that wrong with it being a troll poem, I just wish more effort would be put into that style of poetry. I've written plenty of those myself and I have learned that it's better to try and pass humor off as something more serious, if you want like a better response. That's the key thing to observe if you want to excel in the troll poetry style of yewis.
This also sounds like a rip off tbh.
And also punctuation. That's a thing.
Have fun man.
Happy revmo.
- lizz
Meh. Don't we all know it. This needs critical grammatical editing. It sounds like one of those samey r&b songs; make it poetic.
Hee, weekends rule. This is a cute li'l poem.
I liked the sorta couplet rhyming sequence, but you lost it here. Try to stick to the same patternm and I'd use less abbreviations, and maybe a capital letter at the start of lines. The first glance can tell you wether you want to read it or not, so Tty to make it appear as good as possible.